Unfortunately i did not obtain 1 million dollars. At least not yet.
I've been accepted back in school though, so perhaps this is just the start. I dropped out last year and the school system told me this was my last chance, that after this, i would not be allowed back. This gives me some inspiration, it makes me take school seriously and it motivates me to graduate as soon as possible. I started a few days ago but i already have some bad news. You would think that after what I've been through, i would be a different person now, but it turns out not much has changed. My social anxiety is still present, not as badly as a few years ago, but i still get shaky when multiple people interact with me. One thing did change though, i'm getting used to other people. Back then, they used to be some alien beings that had different lives than i, but now they're just teens like myself and I'm sure they experience similar thoughts. I'm still 50/50 on my appearance and i think that's one of the major issues that I'm dealing with at the moment. It's quite strange, i never really cared about my looks until school, maybe its because i started comparing myself to the others. I also tried to avoid past acquaintances but they seem to remember me and they tried befriending me, which is what I'm trying to avoid at the moment. I don't think I'm ready to commit myself to others because the only reason i suffered so much in the past was because i worried about what my friends thought of me and since i was an awkward, clumsy person...well i suffered a lot.
I've also started fighting back. I used to take so much shit, just stored it inside and then cried over it when it accumulated. Now i usually snap back at my suppressor and i give them a taste of their own medicine which makes me feel a lot more stable and grounded. Life doesn't scare me anymore, it just makes me angry and hopefully sometime in the future I'll learn to accept it instead.
