Suicide is always an option

Its happening again. I want to run away. Not just from my home, but from my life. I wanted to make things right again..and i was, but now that i think about it, im wondering why. Why am i fixing my life? This isnt me. I was doing it for my family's sake at first, just so they wouldn't have to worry so much, but i dont know if i can keep this up. How can i tell them that im not a normal human being? I was going to go back to school, get an education, buy a car, a house, find a partner and spend the rest of my life working so i could feed the furnace keeping me warm...but i've been so lonely all my life that a "normal" one just seems alien... i was thinking of going bounty hunting, but im not sure..i would have to wait a few years until my family stops looking for me so they dont get hurt in the aftermath. I have so much to write but i have trouble concentrating. Ill go take a nap and hopefully i wont wake up. lol...sigh