Comet Elenin

A new world! its finally here! For generations mankind has dreamt about an event like this and now this dream is a reality. The door to another dimension has manifested and everyone has access to it! The force is with us once again! I'm joking. That is one of the many beliefs that I've encountered in the past month. I'm talking about comet Elenin.

There's many conspiracies going around about its origins and its purpose that its hard to figure out whats real and whats not. There so much misinformation out there that even i have started to have second thoughts about this matter.

Many believers think that this comet is not a comet at all but a spaceship. Some are saying NASA, The Illuminati, The Secret Government, and countless others are trying to keep the "comet" a secret from the public. There are those who believe that this spaceship is filled with malevolent beings and some who believe that "angels" reside in it. Some say they're our ancestors and are here to interact with us once again. Some say they're ambassadors from an universal alliance trying to bring cosmic awareness to this dimension. There's even a group who believe they're part of a galactic empire taking over the universe. Its indeed very hard to keep your mind open when so many ridiculous ideas are being shoved around.

But not everyone believes Elenin is a spaceship. The druids of this earth believe its just a comet brought here by mother earth to help with her cleansing. The Cleansing refers to the extermination of the human pollution that has been slowly killing her since the advancement of technology. Part of me feels that this cleansing is necessary, but of course, for this to take place, many sacrifices would be necessary. Earthquakes, tsunamis, volcanic eruptions....many humans would have to die in order to teach humanity a lesson about balance. Yes its true, we have upset the balance of this planet and balance is alien to most of us...but there must be another way... I mean sure, people die all the time, and they become more aware when they ascend into the spirit realm but what about those left behind? Cities would be devastated, families broken apart and there would be so much suffering in the physical plane. I understand suffering pretty well and i can carry the burden without much problem but what about everyone else? Most of the population is not spiritually aware. There are many who still frown upon spirituality and the suffering would cause them to explode with rage and despair. Most anyway.

I know there are those who would understand and would adapt to the situation. i know there are those who would benefit from this event. Tremendous power and knowledge would be obtained by them. But must we always build walls to separate the happiness of some from the misery of others? Isn't that what we're trying to fix? Only time will tell of whats to pass. Comet Elenin is a double edged sword. Blood will be shed...try to stay alive.

Second Chances

Unfortunately i did not obtain 1 million dollars. At least not yet.
I've been accepted back in school though, so perhaps this is just the start. I dropped out last year and the school system told me this was my last chance, that after this, i would not be allowed back. This gives me some inspiration, it makes me take school seriously and it motivates me to graduate as soon as possible. I started a few days ago but i already have some bad news. You would think that after what I've been through, i would be a different person now, but it turns out not much has changed. My social anxiety is still present, not as badly as a few years ago, but i still get shaky when multiple people interact with me. One thing did change though, i'm getting used to other people. Back then, they used to be some alien beings that had different lives than i, but now they're just teens like myself and I'm sure they experience similar thoughts. I'm still 50/50 on my appearance and i think that's one of the major issues that I'm dealing with at the moment. It's quite strange, i never really cared about my looks until school, maybe its because i started comparing myself to the others. I also tried to avoid past acquaintances but they seem to remember me and they tried befriending me, which is what I'm trying to avoid at the moment. I don't think I'm ready to commit myself to others because the only reason i suffered so much in the past was because i worried about what my friends thought of me and since i was an awkward, clumsy person...well i suffered a lot.

I've also started fighting back. I used to take so much shit, just stored it inside and then cried over it when it accumulated. Now i usually snap back at my suppressor and i give them a taste of their own medicine which makes me feel a lot more stable and grounded. Life doesn't scare me anymore, it just makes me angry and hopefully sometime in the future I'll learn to accept it instead.

Power comes to those who seek it

Money runs everything in this world. While it does not provide happiness by itself, it does make it easier to find it. I've had a million dollars in my mind for the last few weeks, but i haven't been outside to manifest it efficiently, although i do keep seeing Jame Randi's psychic challenge for 1 million dollars everywhere on the internet. I've been thinking about taking a shot at it, but i haven't mastered my abilities yet. Last night i had a dream i owned a mansion, and it made me feel great. Perhaps that's what i have to do to make my dreams come true. But to pass that test, i need to be able to control my abilities. Perhaps tonight, i find the key to them. Tonight i will dream about them. Tonight i will find out.Its pretty funny..using my dreams to reach my dreams. Life is wonderfully confusing. Life is great.

Reality is dull but stable

Im back to my "normal" state of mind. The world isn't so magical anymore. It's just land filled with living things. There are few secrets, and the possibilities of me finding them are slim. I'm a bit tired of manifesting things, perhaps i should just take a break and let fate surprise me. I'm feeling too physical..too attached to this reality. I'm not really sure if thats good or not. For one thing, i'm on my way to obtaining a stable adult life...im almost 18 and i feel more...grown up? More down-to-earth would be a better word.

There's still a child inside me aching to learn new things, but these range from world history to chemistry....lost are the days when ghosts and faeries danced in my mind... Maybe i'm just tired of being mislead.

I've tried to see them with my eyes, to feel them with my fingers or to hear them with my ears....but still they reside in my mind, and only in my mind...I'm thinking of finding a partner..just someone i can share my experiences with, but its hard finding someone who doesnt freak out when the subject is laid out in front of them...and to be honest i dont feel like spending my time to please someone else.

Oh did i mention i'm going back to west in a few days? I've been given a second chance at a better life. I'm not going to waste it for someone else this time. I will not sacrifice my happiness for others. I'll see him again though, but my bridge to him has been destroyed. He's just one of them now. We've met and now we must depart. The crossroads are behind us.

Last Chapters or Final Solution

In every book or movie i've read, there are specific parts in the story that the main character goes through. At first everything's normal, the character doesnt question anything. The antagonist comes along and disrupts the balance. Main character fights valiantly and succeeds, but its a short victory. Somehow he/she did something wrong and thats when things fall apart. He/she is near death but a revelation motivates them to stand against the injustice and again, they triumph over their challenger. Then the last chapters follow. They give the main character some time to reflect back on their progress and foreshadow the balanced future. The final solution appears. The book is over. The movie has ended. My life is at its end.

How to change your life

My life was great when i was a kid. Then overtime it just started to fall apart. I never really thought about it, i told myself this was just how life worked. I was wrong. I've stayed up countless nightstrying to reason the cause of my suffering. What did i do to deserve this? Where did i go wrong? Why me? I was so desperate for change that i threw myself at spirituality. I wanted to know my purpose, i wanted knowledge and wisdom. I went from catholism to christianity. buddhism to wicca then chaos magic soon followed. I wanted power. If i was not blessed with what i thought i needed to succeed in life, then i would find something to replace it with. But i was wrong. A few years ago, maybe even months ago, i would hear what im about to say and call it bullshit, but i've not only seen it, i have experienced it. Trust in God. Thats all it takes. My life started falling apart when i realized i had to trust my parents to raise me, to trust my family to give me a home, to trust my fellow humans to give me a world. As you grow, you forget your past. You're told to forget your past. It's a big burden, but its one you should accept and carry. Dont forget where you come from and what you've been through. Never relive, never forget.

Using hate to your advantage

I have more enemies. Its not a bad thing, their hate is simply malevolent energy. I seeem to thrive in that energy. I tricked them into destroying my barriers, which hold back most of my power. Now its simply a matter of adjusting to their strength.

I wanted to fit in, but fitting in is hard for me and now that i think about it, its not really something i should try to achieve. Sure it gives you great cover and stable emotions, but it also weakens you over time. You forget who you are and you start to mock your environment. You worry less and you're more positive, but you become more vulnerable to the darker side. So i guess its better to stand out, to be away from common influences and to develop your own reality. Its a hard path, but I'm willing to stick to it. I've learned that i'm much more comfortable this way. Its a native state of mind for me, so i have the upperhand.

Just another lesson. Work with what you've got.

Suicide is always an option

Its happening again. I want to run away. Not just from my home, but from my life. I wanted to make things right again..and i was, but now that i think about it, im wondering why. Why am i fixing my life? This isnt me. I was doing it for my family's sake at first, just so they wouldn't have to worry so much, but i dont know if i can keep this up. How can i tell them that im not a normal human being? I was going to go back to school, get an education, buy a car, a house, find a partner and spend the rest of my life working so i could feed the furnace keeping me warm...but i've been so lonely all my life that a "normal" one just seems alien... i was thinking of going bounty hunting, but im not sure..i would have to wait a few years until my family stops looking for me so they dont get hurt in the aftermath. I have so much to write but i have trouble concentrating. Ill go take a nap and hopefully i wont wake up. lol...sigh

Too much of anything is bad for you

Its repetition. I cant stand it. I want change, constant change. Nothing drastic, just something new now and then. This explains so much. If my mind keeps doing the same thing over and over, i lose control. When i lose control, i become desperate, and when that happens i go into self-destruction mode. Doing everything and anything just to seek a shift in my reality. Skipping school, making up stories, saying random things to random people, running away, changing beliefs...everything i've done and said was just a desperate attempt at a new life. A more exciting life. I finally found it. My true weakness exposed. But where do i go from there? Should i try to fix things, or should i just accept them?

Personify your thoughts

Fuck it, im done. Its time to make them pay. All of them. You know, all i ever wanted was a normal life, i wanted to graduate, get a job, a house, a family. Its all i wanted. BUT NO. thats not why im here. I see that now. Its time i go back. I dont belong here, i never have. The only reason im here is because i was too weak to resist my parents bringing me here when i was a kid. I need to go inside that cave. Its always been there, pulling me in, taking everything i've ever wanted, everything i've ever loved. This life, the life im living--FUCK! i can do better i know i can..i just need some time..i wanna go back to school, i mean i know i have no one but i can live a normal life right? --This world is not for yme. You have to make them see.--imagine me at prom--imagine yourself above all--but i want to be human, i want to love someone--THAT IS NOT WHY YOU'RE HERE! why is this so hard for you too see? Look at yourself in the mirror and tell me! do you honestly think this pathetic normal life is for someone like you?--no..but i can try..i know im not perfect, and i know im at a disadvantage, but i dont want to change this world..i just want to be a part of it..--THATS NOT THE FUCKING POINT! have you forgotten everything? are you going to ignore your fate and purpose just so you can fit in?! what has happened to you?--idk, i just..i just want to be someone--AND YOU CAN! imagine yourself if you go back! you will control everything!--fine. ill do it...ill go back and ill show the world..ill show them what they created...

False promises attract failure

Ive tried to look at the posts ive written in the past but whenever i open them, i cant get past the first sentece. Its pathetic. I cringe like crazy. I'm trying to be one of those people that grows stronger whenever they look back. I try to look back and take pride in my progress/survival, but i cant. I cant even think clearly. Maybe its true, maybe this was the darkest part of my life. Not in some obscure/dark way, but in a pathetic embarrasing way. I was a faggot. Not a man that loves another man, but a faggot. A despicable creature. And so it ends, my life on the internet is no more. Im tired of people supporting my weaknesses, one of the many things wrong with this world. Im alive not because i was strong, but because of society's pity for the weak. But no matter, im still alive and so ill show the world what they've created. This post marks the death of the sensitive daniel. The naive eduardo. the lovable lalo. The trustworthy danny. The loyal Ed. The protective Eddy. Today a new character takes over the stage. The heartless one. The physical one. Name? He has no name.

Sometimes you have to do it wrong

Like a phoenix. Everything that happened has lead up to this week. This is it. This is a very important time for me. Its time to do it backwards.

How the common man lives

Quotations "You are born, and then you die. Between those moments you can do whatever the fuck you want. Between those moments you can do whatever the fuck you want. It doesn't matter in any way what you do or how you do it, if you live your life like a drug addict, if you live your life like bill gates, like albert einstein, doesn't matter cause you're dead in the end and even if you become a legend on earth, you won't be there to experience it. So.. just do whatever makes you happy, you only live once, so you better do it." - Some guy on /adv/


well there you go.

is this real life? lol

I cant decide. I have dreams. Human dreams. Theres so much I still want to see, but we all want things, and sometimes what we want isnt what we need. But what if im wrong? The thing is..im replaceable. Its the one thing i know for sure. Its been proven countless times. Theres nothing special about me, other than the BS that I come up with. I know there will always be someone whos smarter or stronger or w/e but I just cant ignore the truth that is thrown at my face every single day. Im average. Everything about me is average. Ive accepted that fact but I still feel the same..its not hopelessness, i know i can be successful if i try its just...is it envy? boredom? Its just the same thing every single fucking day..I want to be able to run my life. ME, not other people. I want to make decisions for myself; I dont want them made by some person i dont even know. Its pissing me off. I cant decide. The afterlife is so tempting...so close and yet..so far away. Is it the mystery of it all? the thrill? or am i just using it as a way to escape my reality? and why shouldnt I? Do i not have the right to be happy? Why stay here if i dont like it? I cant decide.

Purpose

Its become clear what i need to do, but part of me wants something different...something "normal". Its not allowed. Did i abandon them? Im not sure..but i know i did and im starting to regret it...i cant believe i ignored them. I wasted almost 8 years...now theres not much time left...but i can handle it. I know i can. For once, it all makes sense. Its time.

Erased

I really didnt want my blog to be another one of those, "today i went for a walk and i bought this and that and this person called me" but i guess it cant be helped. I wished for things to go back. They did. But i overdid it. Its kind of funny actually...I was sent to West exactly a year ago, this very month...maybe even the same day, i cant remember. Anyway, my wish was granted and im going back to Central. Its like it never happened. Its kind of creepy...its like we never met... Hmm...makes you think. Ive started to work out recently. I have a plan for once. This doesnt feel right, doesnt feel natural..but it will have to do. for the moment. It was a fun year, but its in the past. I have a second shot at this, at a normal life... not many people get second chances. My break is over, its time to get to work. Time to show the world.

took a test

i passed

Forced pleasure

im sick of these pills. I used to get these bursts of energy now and then. They were special to me. They were special because they were so rare, and only certain people triggered them. Only when i was given a hint, did these bursts happen. The medicine im taking, its sickening. I feel the same all the time. I feel great all the time, its this wonderful feeling but im tired of it. Im clueless now. Its not special anymore. Its starting to hurt. Forced pleasure. sickening.

DVNO

i got out of that place today. I was there for about a week (6 days). Ive been given anti-depressants...so im not sure wether or not i should keep posting since, its not really me talking...or is it? I cant decide if this is the old me or if this is a new me. I was pretty positive back then but, with the meds, idk everything just seems..fixable? I have alot of things i gotta fix and for a time i thought i couldnt, but now, the impossible does not exist. Im not saying im going to fix everything, of course theres gonna be times when things dont go as planned, but now...idk its not that i dont care, its just that, im not that worried about it. Maybe this is the way its supposed to feel...or maybe its not. I feel better, but at the same time..i feel..weak? Its like, everyone seems more comfortable around me, they're much nicer, but is this what i really want? is this what i need? I thought suffering was a gift, but maybe i was wrong. Maybe you dont have to suffer to experience and learn. Maybe i got it wrong, but then i ask myself. Who is speaking right now? Me or the meds? I dont feel much different, to be honest, i dont feel as if anything has changed. actually nothing really has. All of my problems are still there. its just this "motivation". I have different eyes. pale blue. Calm, relaxing and comfortable...do i miss my dark scarlet ones? Of course i do, but its nice to wear something different for a change. Its been a long journey. Cheers. oh and i almost forgot. I was in love. isnt that something? Me, ed, in love with a guy. haha, thats great...first loves..always a mess...for a time. I should try to acutally talk to him in person...why not?

so im in some kind of group home or something. i think they said it was a place for at risk teens. (lol). I told them about me wanting to "hurt" myself and they took me to the hospital. I was there for a few hours then i was taken here, in an ambulance...it was pretty interesting. I think i needed this. Not being locked up with these kids but remembering what i posess and being thankful for it. I gotta go