getting drunk

once a year im allowed to drink beer. Every year, i have refused. Not this year. This year its different. It still tastes like piss but now i have a reason, an excuse, to get drunk. The bad thing is, im not drunk. im not forgetting him. Or am i? i dont know. My body just feels very warm and im really sleepy. not tired. i just want to close my eyes and enjoy the peace. I wonder if im drunk. Im not tipsy, which is what i was going for. My vision is the same. Im thinking like i usually think. Although when i think about him, i feel nothing. Its like whatever. I really dont care about much right now. Im just typing. I wonder if im drunk. How do i know if im drunk? isnt the world supposed to be spinning? i dont feel much different. 8 beers 5 tequila shots, 2 margaritas and nothing. I dont feel drunk. This sucks, i wanted to pass out. I wanted to forget. Im not happy or sad, to be honest i really dont feel anything. just calm and peaceful. When i close my eyes, ah i dont want to open them. Feels great. But then theres my willpower. I just have to think *wake up* and there i am, the same as always, except my body feels so warm and calm. Am i drunk? i dont think so, i mean i can recall everything...well this sucks. I wanna go to sleep, but im holding back. I wanna see how far i can take it. I wanna take a walk outside and sleep on the ground. thatd be awesome. nah, its too cold. my god, my hands are so warm. I wanna sleep. just for a few minutes. dude, I am so warm.