DVNO

i got out of that place today. I was there for about a week (6 days). Ive been given anti-depressants...so im not sure wether or not i should keep posting since, its not really me talking...or is it? I cant decide if this is the old me or if this is a new me. I was pretty positive back then but, with the meds, idk everything just seems..fixable? I have alot of things i gotta fix and for a time i thought i couldnt, but now, the impossible does not exist. Im not saying im going to fix everything, of course theres gonna be times when things dont go as planned, but now...idk its not that i dont care, its just that, im not that worried about it. Maybe this is the way its supposed to feel...or maybe its not. I feel better, but at the same time..i feel..weak? Its like, everyone seems more comfortable around me, they're much nicer, but is this what i really want? is this what i need? I thought suffering was a gift, but maybe i was wrong. Maybe you dont have to suffer to experience and learn. Maybe i got it wrong, but then i ask myself. Who is speaking right now? Me or the meds? I dont feel much different, to be honest, i dont feel as if anything has changed. actually nothing really has. All of my problems are still there. its just this "motivation". I have different eyes. pale blue. Calm, relaxing and comfortable...do i miss my dark scarlet ones? Of course i do, but its nice to wear something different for a change. Its been a long journey. Cheers. oh and i almost forgot. I was in love. isnt that something? Me, ed, in love with a guy. haha, thats great...first loves..always a mess...for a time. I should try to acutally talk to him in person...why not?